When silence becomes a requirement Being part of a family affected by alcohol or drug addiction, mental illness or persistent emotional dysfunction can be confusing, disorienting, lonely and frightening. This can be true even when the family appears functional to the outside world. Often, our authentic selves recognize that something is wrong. Yet, as children — and sometimes well into … [Read more...]
Suffering behind closed doors: A personal note
What has occupied so much of my professional life is a form of suffering that remains remarkably easy to overlook: the emotional and psychological suffering of children behind closed doors, across cultures, races, religions and socioeconomic circumstances — not only in the past, but in everyday life. Children suffer when they are not emotionally “seen,” protected, understood and held. Many of … [Read more...]
Stop protecting the wounds of the past
Among the buzzwords in psychology these days is the word “trigger.” We hear it everywhere. People say, “That triggered me,” or “I felt really triggered by what happened.” And in therapy, when a client recognizes that a particular interaction, another person’s behavior or even a seemingly ordinary situation has become a trigger, this awareness can be an important beginning. But sometimes it … [Read more...]
Building the ‘relational home’
I have written at length over the years about the concept of a “relational home” within the dimension of psychotherapy. Why this term is relevant why it and matters. While the idea of a relational home sounds appealing, a bit warm and fuzzy, there is a complexity at its core that warrants further exploration. A relational home isn’t built of bricks and wood. It may or may not include family … [Read more...]
Parenting: When it’s time to loosen the grip
“Your children are not your children. They are the sons and daughters of Life’s longing for itself. They come through you but not from you, and though they are with you, yet they belong not to you. You may give them your love but not your thoughts, for they have their own thoughts. You may house their bodies but not their souls, for their souls dwell in the house of tomorrow, which you cannot … [Read more...]
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