“Your children are not your children. They are the sons and daughters of Life’s longing for itself. They come through you but not from you, and though they are with you, yet they belong not to you. You may give them your love but not your thoughts, for they have their own thoughts. You may house their bodies but not their souls, for their souls dwell in the house of tomorrow, which you cannot … [Read more...]
The good news about ‘good enough’
What if there were no epiphanies! What if healing were a slow, steady little train. What if this slow, steady journey to mental health proved good enough. British pediatrician Donald Winnicott coined the phrase “good-enough mothering” back in the 1950s, urging moms to recognize that what they were providing for their children probably was sufficient. He posited that, in general, children would … [Read more...]
‘Feel the guilt and do it anyway’
I was torn between my excitement over attending an event for which I already had tickets and my friends' desire to have me along on a long weekend trip. Certainly, it was a dilemma. I wanted to go along with the group but I had been waiting for my event to come into town for quite some time. The choice to stay with my plans was not an easy one. I tuned to my mentor and I remember his words … [Read more...]
Tossed on the high seas without a paddle
There are times when turbulence feels like the norm. Life loses its predictability. What we see as the certainties of everyday life are not as certain as we’d like. Opening the daily paper or doomscrolling the news sites and social media, we’re confronted with one traumatic piece of information after another. Such moments can be scary, leading to unexpected irritation and edginess. Maybe we … [Read more...]
Empathy: Wartime and present times
Empathy is the bedrock of all relational and therapeutic work. It is not simply a skill but a mode of being with another mind — what the psychoanalyst Heinz Kohut called vicarious introspection. The capacity to feel into the emotional life of another so that the self can be known, mirrored and stabilized. Without empathy, no self can develop with coherence, and no therapy can heal. Yet empathy … [Read more...]
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