What has occupied so much of my professional life is a form of suffering that remains remarkably easy to overlook: the emotional and psychological suffering of children behind closed doors, across cultures, races, religions and socioeconomic circumstances — not only in the past, but in everyday life. Children suffer when they are not emotionally “seen,” protected, understood and held. Many of … [Read more...]
Stop protecting the wounds of the past
Among the buzzwords in psychology these days is the word “trigger.” We hear it everywhere. People say, “That triggered me,” or “I felt really triggered by what happened.” And in therapy, when a client recognizes that a particular interaction, another person’s behavior or even a seemingly ordinary situation has become a trigger, this awareness can be an important beginning. But sometimes it … [Read more...]
Building the ‘relational home’
I have written at length over the years about the concept of a “relational home” within the dimension of psychotherapy. Why this term is relevant why it and matters. While the idea of a relational home sounds appealing, a bit warm and fuzzy, there is a complexity at its core that warrants further exploration. A relational home isn’t built of bricks and wood. It may or may not include family … [Read more...]
Parenting: When it’s time to loosen the grip
“Your children are not your children. They are the sons and daughters of Life’s longing for itself. They come through you but not from you, and though they are with you, yet they belong not to you. You may give them your love but not your thoughts, for they have their own thoughts. You may house their bodies but not their souls, for their souls dwell in the house of tomorrow, which you cannot … [Read more...]
The good news about ‘good enough’
What if there were no epiphanies! What if healing were a slow, steady little train. What if this slow, steady journey to mental health proved good enough. British pediatrician Donald Winnicott coined the phrase “good-enough mothering” back in the 1950s, urging moms to recognize that what they were providing for their children probably was sufficient. He posited that, in general, children would … [Read more...]
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