When silence becomes a requirement Being part of a family affected by alcohol or drug addiction, mental illness or persistent emotional dysfunction can be confusing, disorienting, lonely and frightening. This can be true even when the family appears functional to the outside world. Often, our authentic selves recognize that something is wrong. Yet, as children — and sometimes well into … [Read more...]
Building the ‘relational home’
I have written at length over the years about the concept of a “relational home” within the dimension of psychotherapy. Why this term is relevant why it and matters. While the idea of a relational home sounds appealing, a bit warm and fuzzy, there is a complexity at its core that warrants further exploration. A relational home isn’t built of bricks and wood. It may or may not include family … [Read more...]
Tossed on the high seas without a paddle
There are times when turbulence feels like the norm. Life loses its predictability. What we see as the certainties of everyday life are not as certain as we’d like. Opening the daily paper or doomscrolling the news sites and social media, we’re confronted with one traumatic piece of information after another. Such moments can be scary, leading to unexpected irritation and edginess. Maybe we … [Read more...]
Empathy: Wartime and present times
Empathy is the bedrock of all relational and therapeutic work. It is not simply a skill but a mode of being with another mind — what the psychoanalyst Heinz Kohut called vicarious introspection. The capacity to feel into the emotional life of another so that the self can be known, mirrored and stabilized. Without empathy, no self can develop with coherence, and no therapy can heal. Yet empathy … [Read more...]
A house divided, trying to stand
Matthew 12:25 states, "Every kingdom divided against itself will be laid waste, and no city or household divided against itself will stand." While this Biblical wisdom may also be said of family systems, perhaps even more poignantly today it serves as a reminder of the stressful and disheartening state of conflict between our "houses" and "states" within the United States. A grave tear in … [Read more...]
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