When silence becomes a requirement Being part of a family affected by alcohol or drug addiction, mental illness or persistent emotional dysfunction can be confusing, disorienting, lonely and frightening. This can be true even when the family appears functional to the outside world. Often, our authentic selves recognize that something is wrong. Yet, as children — and sometimes well into … [Read more...]
Suffering behind closed doors: A personal note
What has occupied so much of my professional life is a form of suffering that remains remarkably easy to overlook: the emotional and psychological suffering of children behind closed doors, across cultures, races, religions and socioeconomic circumstances — not only in the past, but in everyday life. Children suffer when they are not emotionally “seen,” protected, understood and held. Many of … [Read more...]
Stop protecting the wounds of the past
Among the buzzwords in psychology these days is the word “trigger.” We hear it everywhere. People say, “That triggered me,” or “I felt really triggered by what happened.” And in therapy, when a client recognizes that a particular interaction, another person’s behavior or even a seemingly ordinary situation has become a trigger, this awareness can be an important beginning. But sometimes it … [Read more...]
Tossed on the high seas without a paddle
There are times when turbulence feels like the norm. Life loses its predictability. What we see as the certainties of everyday life are not as certain as we’d like. Opening the daily paper or doomscrolling the news sites and social media, we’re confronted with one traumatic piece of information after another. Such moments can be scary, leading to unexpected irritation and edginess. Maybe we … [Read more...]
A house divided, trying to stand
Matthew 12:25 states, "Every kingdom divided against itself will be laid waste, and no city or household divided against itself will stand." While this Biblical wisdom may also be said of family systems, perhaps even more poignantly today it serves as a reminder of the stressful and disheartening state of conflict between our "houses" and "states" within the United States. A grave tear in … [Read more...]
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