Among the buzzwords in psychology these days is the word “trigger.” We hear it everywhere. People say, “That triggered me,” or “I felt really triggered by what happened.” And in therapy, when a client recognizes that a particular interaction, another person’s behavior or even a seemingly ordinary situation has become a trigger, this awareness can be an important beginning. But sometimes it stops there. We therapists acknowledge that the client has been triggered. We validate that the experience was painful or uncomfortable. We help calm … ( More )
Building the ‘relational home’
I have written at length over the years about the concept of a “relational home” within the dimension of psychotherapy. Why this term is relevant why it and matters. While the idea of a relational home … ( More )
Parenting: When it’s time to loosen the grip
“Your children are not your children. They are the sons and daughters of Life’s longing for itself. They come through you but not from you, and though they are with you, yet they belong not to you. You may give … ( More )
The good news about ‘good enough’
What if there were no epiphanies! What if healing were a slow, steady little train. What if this slow, steady journey to mental health proved good enough. British pediatrician Donald Winnicott coined the … ( More )
‘Feel the guilt and do it anyway’
I was torn between my excitement over attending an event for which I already had tickets and my friends' desire to have me along on a long weekend trip. Certainly, it was a dilemma. I wanted to go along with … ( More )
Tossed on the high seas without a paddle
There are times when turbulence feels like the norm. Life loses its predictability. What we see as the certainties of everyday life are not as certain as we’d like. Opening the daily paper or doomscrolling the … ( More )
Communication
The Beatles, psychologists of rock
Humming along to "Eleanor Rigby," I began listening more acutely to the astounding lyrics of this Beatles song from 1966. How profoundly insightful their … ( More )
The second wave of communication
During the Civil War, soldiers flanked tightly in a line would march toward the enemy on the battlefield. Inevitably, so many would fall down -- dead or … ( More )
The leading edge and the trailing edge
Here are some affirmations to manage the toxicity of shame. And steps toward effective communications in loving enduring relationships. 1. I remind … ( More )
Healing
The case for human therapists
A recent Los Angeles Times article’s headline boldly stated, “AI therapy isn’t getting better. Therapists are just failing.” A warning shot for … ( More )
When psychotherapy ends …
Our time is up. Both parties knew that on this particular day, this moment was coming. And now having arrived, it is all about a goodbye that requires … ( More )
Relationships
To forgive or not forgive
Forgiveness. One of humanity’s oldest and most complex virtues has stirred hearts and minds across centuries. The earliest preserved story of … ( More )
The golden years … for sex
As the years go by, don’t let sexual contact and the resulting connection disappear from your relationship. They remain vital. Older couples often get … ( More )
Couples intensive therapy: risks and rewards
Couples intensive therapy is for the courageous. For those who admit they've done all they can do on their own. It’s a brave, bold step for both parties … ( More )
Children
Wrangling the birds and the bees
Much has changed since the days of the good-old-fashioned "talk" about the birds and the bees.Youngsters still come to The Talk knowing the basics. That … ( More )
Mothers and teen sons: Finding a way
One of the toughest aspects of parenthood is dealing with the anger, rage and withdrawal that teenage boys direct toward their mothers. These turbulent … ( More )