What's all the fuss about? Emotional affairs can begin quite innocently ... supposedly. A cup of coffee in the break room with a co-worker, a few intimate exchanges with a friend's wife or a student or neighbor -- all seemingly harmless, right? What if these exchanges increase little by little, and the next thing you know the context becomes more intimate. For example, you begin to share … [Read more...]
It’s better to receive, sometimes
We frequently are reminded of the need "to give" in our lives. Giving makes us feel better, more worthy, more noble. Heart-warming morality tales such as "The Giving Tree" and "A Christmas Carol" remind us of the transformations we can go experience when opening our hearts and thinking of others -- instead of, "So what's in it for me?" These sentiments go a long way toward developing our … [Read more...]
‘Shame rage’ and the Death of Love
One of the more defining dynamics that can cause the Death of Love is what's called the shame-rage cycle. One partner shames the other by way of critical, abusive remarks and the other responds with defensive rage in an attempt to protect herself or himself from verbal or emotional assault. Once this point-counterpoint cycle begins, one or both partners are likely to resort to some kind of … [Read more...]
Do the right thing: Couples communication
In disputes within a relationship, it is important that the couple sees, hears, and values each other's position equally. In the moment that one person's position becomes more important than the other's, a power game ensues. This dynamic is the enemy of intimacy and resolution. But when both parties value themselves highly enough, then power struggles can transform into tremendous growth … [Read more...]
Don’ts that don’t make relationships work
Relationships these days are ending all too soon, with one in two marriages collapsing into divorce. Fewer people are getting married, and the lives of so many beautiful, wonderful individuals are filled with heartache and sorrow. Communication is the key to a successful relationship, we're all told. But how do we communicate at stressful times, without making a tense situation worse? Here … [Read more...]
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