How many times do we refuse to ask for help from our life partners -- or not tell them how we feel about something -- because "they should already know." How many times have you heard yourself or someone else say: "If he (or she) really loved me, they would already know how I feel about this problem." Sorry to break the bad news: This is simply not true. Perhaps in a perfect world we might … [Read more...]
Domino effect: Your behaviors, their feelings
I am not responsible for how you feel -- but I need to understand that my behavior may impact you. How often have you said to someone, "You know you made me feel bad," or, "You made me mad,” placing the responsibility on that person for how we feel. No one actually makes us feel anything, but another person's behavior certainly can impact us. Those actions bring up emotions, and they won't … [Read more...]
Old pain, new relationships: a solution
Like it or not, we're pulled by our unconscious to re-create pain from the past in present relationships. Have you ever heard someone say, "Of all the people she could have married she picked him -- I don't get it?" Or, "Boy she treats him just like his mother did, and he could have had anyone he wanted." Sounds like masochism right? Wrong! We actually re-create the pain from our past for … [Read more...]
‘I can see how you would feel that way’
How often do we really listen to the ones we love? And when we do, why are we so ready to defend and justify our behaviors that our loved ones say are harmful? What if just for a moment, we take that essential beat and then turn to healing thoughts such as these: If this person didn't care about me he would not be hurt by me. I impact this person, therefore I must matter a lot to her. He … [Read more...]
Sexual healing for your relationship
Sex is important for men and women. In this age of distractions, pressures and stress it can be easy to forget just how essential sex and lovemaking are in our lives. We are sexual by nature, and it's healthful to value and celebrate this vital part of who we are. If a week or more has gone by and you and your partner have not made love, you might want to consider: Why? Are you avoiding one … [Read more...]