It's not unusual for people to hold on to anger over an event or behavior for years, or even decades. This can lead to great pain, sorrow and loss. Why do we cling so tenaciously to our deepest feelings? The answer can be layered and complex. A key aspect of transforming and integrating deep emotions -- necessary for our wellness and healing -- involves a subtle yet critical aspect of our … [Read more...]
The rocky road to presumptions
Assumptions and presumptions. Tricky stuff. Here's an example: You're going on a first date but at the last minute receive a call canceling -- a family emergency has come up. Your date is very sorry ... hoping you will be willing to reschedule ... it can't be helped. In that moment there are a couple of choices. The path of presumption says that he or she didn't really want to go out … [Read more...]
When cheating signals larger truths
"If he ever had an affair, I would leave right away and never look back!" Sounds like a plan ... until it actually happens. Of course, we want to believe that life offers such cut-and-dried solutions to painful problems. But when infidelity raises its head, walking out probably isn't the best solution. An affair can signal distress in a marriage (or partnership) in which both parties are … [Read more...]
Taking the leap with ‘leading-first validation’
Many of us fear intimacy, for it often summons the unknown -- and the unknown can be scary. Still, intimacy is what we crave the most. We'd rather take the risk than not, in order to find that deep connection with others in which we feel that we're seen, heard and cared for. Fear of being hurt often prevents us from "being" with others the way we long to be treated. Here's a good approach … [Read more...]
What a one-night stand can tell you
Have you ever had a one-night stand? Are you thinking of having one? I don't mean an affair that occurred over weeks or months. I mean a one-night stand. One time. One night. Ever thought about why you wanted to have a fling -- or why you had one? Looking back, did it help or hurt you or your marriage or romantic partnership? Did you confess to your spouse or partner? Did that help or … [Read more...]