In the middle of a heated exchange, words of exasperation directed at you come out something like, "Well, what do you want?!" These words can be stunning to hear, even disorienting. Feelings of anger and hurt surface. The concept of "what you want" feels foreign. But think about this for a moment. What you want does matter, and should be considered. What you want in life, in a relationship; … [Read more...]
Changing ‘This is me’ to ‘This is us’
If being "in a relationship" is important to you, then making changes and adapting to your partner or spouse is an important developmental process. The adage "This is who I am" underscores a defensiveness that speaks more to a frozen part of who we are, unwilling to reflect on ourselves and make changes benefiting the relationship and the person we profess to love. We all come into … [Read more...]
The Law of Attraction: Another way through the looking glass
The notion that we attract who we are and how we walk in the world perhaps has some merit, but the concept misses some important markers. Deep within us lies an abiding place: One full of creativity, joy, dreaming. But also with deep relational hopes, losses, pain and longings. Longings connected to the pain of lost relationships -- due to an early demise, rejection or an absence. The … [Read more...]
Finding the good in ‘goodbye’
Why do we avoid long goodbyes with those we love? What is so unbearable about saying goodbye that we keep our most heartfelt sentiments short and to the point? "Goodbye" is one of the most necessary and important words in our language, yet one we often toss aside, hoping it will just simply go away. Why? Perhaps goodbye reflects both our vulnerability and deepest connection with those we … [Read more...]
Flirting, not straying — a question of balance
Being in a committed relationship is a wonderful experience. Two people in a sacred union, sharing love, responsibilities, perhaps children … their lives. For some, nothing is more important in this life. But what about attractions to people outside the relationship -- from mild flirtations to overt emotional affairs? Even in the most committed relationships, there inevitably arise … [Read more...]
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