These days the courts are filled with couples going through bitter and painful divorces. Who suffers the most? The children, of course. Caught in a web of bitter resentment, hostility and shame created by their parents, children have little or no defenses. They can't protect themselves against the rock that they are shattered -- unable to "choose" one parent over the other. Children love … [Read more...]
A healthy child makes for a healthy adult
For children to be mentally stable and to feel loved, they must be allowed to express their fears and pain of losses, as well as their hopes and longings. The parent or primary caregiver must listen to, bear the burden of and validate the child's thoughts and feelings with compassion, love, comfort and care. This is the cornerstone of creating a foundation of deep self worth and safety … [Read more...]
The subtle art of manipulation
Manipulation gets a bad rap. It's not always a bad thing. Sometimes manipulation can change a situation that might be headed in a harmful direction into a healing one. For example, Sarah, a teenager, is getting ready to go on her first date. She comes down the stairs and asks her parents if she looks OK. She is nervous, unsure of her appearance and could easily collapse into shame. … [Read more...]
Abuse: It’s not normal, it’s wacky
Do you think you have been abused in your life? No? Well, read on. Most of us have developed a high tolerance for what I call wacky abuse. We're becoming accustomed these days to using the word "abuse," although for many it is still an uncomfortable term. Many of us believe abuse is a normal part of child rearing. In fact, let's consider that term, child rearing. Some parents view their … [Read more...]
A teen can be your greatest teacher
Treat your children and teens with compassion, and take what they have to say seriously. Admit and come to terms with the fact that your children feel pain and loneliness and shame more than you know. Realize that you have been instrumental in creating their pain and loneliness -- not entirely responsible, but you certainly have contributed. You have a shadow too, one that was created as a … [Read more...]
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