If being "in a relationship" is important to you, then making changes and adapting to your partner or spouse is an important developmental process. The adage "This is who I am" underscores a defensiveness that speaks more to a frozen part of who we are, unwilling to reflect on ourselves and make changes benefiting the relationship and the person we profess to love. We all come into … [Read more...]
A two-step approach to childhood pain
It is instinctual to intervene when a child is hurt, physically or emotionally -- to try to stop the young one's pain. Say when a child suffers a cut or a bruise. Or feels the emotional pain of losing a pet. Or reels from injurious comments made by a bully at school. Our inclination is to say something like, "It's OK; it’s not that bad." Or, "Honey you'll be OK -- just shake it off." Or the … [Read more...]
The Law of Attraction: Another way through the looking glass
The notion that we attract who we are and how we walk in the world perhaps has some merit, but the concept misses some important markers. Deep within us lies an abiding place: One full of creativity, joy, dreaming. But also with deep relational hopes, losses, pain and longings. Longings connected to the pain of lost relationships -- due to an early demise, rejection or an absence. The … [Read more...]
‘Tis the season for the little things
Once again the joy and challenges of the holiday season have arrived -- accompanied by expectations, hopes and a sense perhaps of inventory taken at this time of year. We look back on the year with feelings of accomplishment, awe, sadness, happiness and insight. Perhaps with joy; perhaps with regret. For some, a year goes by quickly; for others it can feel like the longest journey of a … [Read more...]
Flirting, not straying — a question of balance
Being in a committed relationship is a wonderful experience. Two people in a sacred union, sharing love, responsibilities, perhaps children … their lives. For some, nothing is more important in this life. But what about attractions to people outside the relationship -- from mild flirtations to overt emotional affairs? Even in the most committed relationships, there inevitably arise … [Read more...]
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