My new book
Buy Dr. Katrina's book on Amazon.
Learning the language of emotion
Even in the best of times, sharing feelings with others is not an easy task for either gender — but it’s necessary in the world of relationships.
The expression of emotions presents a complicated set of experiences for men and women alike.
On the one hand we are led to believe that it’s easier for women to be vulnerable and express their emotions, and harder for men.
On face value this may be true, but if we take a closer look our society has made it difficult for either gender to just come and say, This or that hurt, or, That situation scared me.
We are all quite preprogrammed from our childhood to be true to the family system and take life as it comes — or as Sinatra sings, pick myself up and get back in the race, for that’s life. In short, to not express feelings at all.
But on closer examination what we have come to realize is that without this vulnerable expression of feeling we live a lonely life: Never really being seen, never really being known, in essence living a half life. That is a breeding ground for depression and heartache.
Start by expressing an emotion — this is the best way of relating intimately with another person. We all know this is not easy. Say, for example, that you are feeling emotional pain. Perhaps you could simply say, This situation is upsetting. At least you are in the ballpark and you are beginning to find the language that demonstrates the emergence of a true feeling.
Another example: If a situation brought up feelings of loneliness for you, perhaps you could say, This was really hard to bear or hard to cope with. Once again you are risking revealing an emotional state, but in your own way. This is good. If you can tap into “feeling language” all the better, but this is a good start.
Setting free your inner child
In everyone’s subconscious there is an abiding world. It is a place where our essential creative treasures lie and where all of the memories, experiences, and emotions that belong to our unique selves are stored.
It is important, however, not to presume that everyone is aware of, or connected to, him or herself, and that not everyone is mindful of both an outer and an inner world.
Often, these areas of the world within our minds are obscured and secret. These are the ideas, thoughts, and emotions of the child within you that have been locked away for as long as you can remember.
It’s possible that many of you may say this is not true for you — that there is no child within me anymore. But you are wrong.
Consider that you may have locked away these memories and emotions as a way to avoid chaos, pain, and/or ridicule.
What if this inner world does exist — that suppressed feelings in childhood do in fact carry over now into adulthood — and, like unattended wounds, may begin to fester.
In unveiling this concealed domain, there is a risk of certain pain and likely fear and a feeling of being lost, but it is the kind of pain that also brings relief when truths are revealed (about yourself and others), and emotions are displayed outwardly.
It is, as has been said, a necessary evil, in order to release the positive inner world of your child.
CDs to soothe the soul
My Relaxation Reverie CD collection offers meditation, guided-imagery and relaxation audio. My new website, Cozy Children, is the place for children's audio stories.
Here are three audio samples:
Fall Reverie
Magic Forest
Toy Store