My new book
Buy Dr. Katrina's book on Amazon.
Learning the language of emotion
Even in the best of times, sharing feelings with others is not an easy task for either gender — but it’s necessary in the world of relationships.
The expression of emotions presents a complicated set of experiences for men and women alike.
On the one hand we are led to believe that it’s easier for women to be vulnerable and express their emotions, and harder for men.
On face value this may be true, but if we take a closer look our society has made it difficult for either gender to just come and say, This or that hurt, or, That situation scared me.
We are all quite preprogrammed from our childhood to be true to the family system and take life as it comes — or as Sinatra sings, pick myself up and get back in the race, for that’s life. In short, to not express feelings at all.
But on closer examination what we have come to realize is that without this vulnerable expression of feeling we live a lonely life: Never really being seen, never really being known, in essence living a half life. That is a breeding ground for depression and heartache.
Start by expressing an emotion — this is the best way of relating intimately with another person. We all know this is not easy. Say, for example, that you are feeling emotional pain. Perhaps you could simply say, This situation is upsetting. At least you are in the ballpark and you are beginning to find the language that demonstrates the emergence of a true feeling.
Another example: If a situation brought up feelings of loneliness for you, perhaps you could say, This was really hard to bear or hard to cope with. Once again you are risking revealing an emotional state, but in your own way. This is good. If you can tap into “feeling language” all the better, but this is a good start.
Comments
4 Responses to “Learning the language of emotion”
Join the conversation! Leave your reply here.
CDs to soothe the soul
My Relaxation Reverie CD collection offers meditation, guided-imagery and relaxation audio. My new website, Cozy Children, is the place for children's audio stories.
Here are three audio samples:
Fall Reverie
Magic Forest
Toy Store
[...] Read more about opening the lines of communication and the language of emotion. [...]
[...] is the key to a successful relationship, we’re all told. But how do we communicate at stressful times, without making a tense situation [...]
love ur directions and ways of communication …but when dealing with a child coming from another culture and way of life into a foreign land and finds himself in the wayward lifestyle of ganglife in the city …how do u communicate with such to bring him back to light of what life is and him not throwing his life away to holigan life………
Thanks for your question, Godfrey:
The language of emotion does not discriminate among cultures, the road to intimacy and connection at its heart requires the preservation of the child part of who we are, in essence our vulnerability. For it is our child who experiences wonder, awe, innocence, longing and the desire to give and receive love. Protecting this part of ourselves or reclaiming that innocence that was tainted or shattered becomes a crucial part of the restoration of who we are as human beings.
Go back to his childhood, remember with him what toys he loved even if there were but a few, go into the early memories of what made him curious about life what made his eyes wide with wonder, and together share memories and time together to rebuild the innocence lost. All things are possible but hold onto the child part of yourself and bring it to him and see little by little what can be found.