Around the globe, millions witnessed what appeared to be a case of unresolved childhood trauma. A comedian slights an actor’s family member and -- in the blink of an eye -- shame, rage and guilt erupt. Violence ensues. The trance-like state that bound Will Smith in that moment at the Oscars spoke of decades of complex emotions and unconscious thoughts. All landing in one destructive action. … [Read more...]
A 15-minute commitment to children
"Fully being with your child, wanting nothing, is quality time," wrote the childhood educator Magda Gerber in her book "Dear Parent: Caring for Infants with Respect." Gerber is known for teaching parents how to understand babies and how to interact with them from birth. She spent many years studying children who were overwhelmed by the absence of physical, psychological and emotional … [Read more...]
A two-step approach to childhood pain
It is instinctual to intervene when a child is hurt, physically or emotionally -- to try to stop the young one's pain. Say when a child suffers a cut or a bruise. Or feels the emotional pain of losing a pet. Or reels from injurious comments made by a bully at school. Our inclination is to say something like, "It's OK; it’s not that bad." Or, "Honey you'll be OK -- just shake it off." Or the … [Read more...]
Taking the leap with ‘leading-first validation’
Many of us fear intimacy, for it often summons the unknown -- and the unknown can be scary. Still, intimacy is what we crave the most. We'd rather take the risk than not, in order to find that deep connection with others in which we feel that we're seen, heard and cared for. Fear of being hurt often prevents us from "being" with others the way we long to be treated. Here's a good approach … [Read more...]
Domino effect: Your behaviors, their feelings
I am not responsible for how you feel -- but I need to understand that my behavior may impact you. How often have you said to someone, "You know you made me feel bad," or, "You made me mad,” placing the responsibility on that person for how we feel. No one actually makes us feel anything, but another person's behavior certainly can impact us. Those actions bring up emotions, and they won't … [Read more...]