Even if a divorce is amicable and mutually agreed-upon, the children become particularly vulnerable. Seeing their parents break up brings major trauma. All children, somewhere deep inside, wish that everyone would stay together in a perfect world. When that doesn’t happen, there's a shattering that must be addressed. The pieces of valuable lives must put back together with sensitivity and … [Read more...]
Co-parenting through divorce: an upside
These days the courts are filled with couples going through bitter and painful divorces. Who suffers the most? The children, of course. Caught in a web of bitter resentment, hostility and shame created by their parents, children have little or no defenses. They can't protect themselves against the rock that they are shattered -- unable to "choose" one parent over the other. Children love … [Read more...]
Flirting with disaster: emotional affairs
What's all the fuss about? Emotional affairs can begin quite innocently ... supposedly. A cup of coffee in the break room with a co-worker, a few intimate exchanges with a friend's wife or a student or neighbor -- all seemingly harmless, right? What if these exchanges increase little by little, and the next thing you know the context becomes more intimate. For example, you begin to share … [Read more...]
‘Shame rage’ and the Death of Love
One of the more defining dynamics that can cause the Death of Love is what's called the shame-rage cycle. One partner shames the other by way of critical, abusive remarks and the other responds with defensive rage in an attempt to protect herself or himself from verbal or emotional assault. Once this point-counterpoint cycle begins, one or both partners are likely to resort to some kind of … [Read more...]