Assumptions and presumptions. Tricky stuff. Here's an example: You're going on a first date but at the last minute receive a call canceling -- a family emergency has come up. Your date is very sorry ... hoping you will be willing to reschedule ... it can't be helped. In that moment there are a couple of choices. The path of presumption says that he or she didn't really want to go out … [Read more...]
When cheating signals larger truths
"If he ever had an affair, I would leave right away and never look back!" Sounds like a plan ... until it actually happens. Of course, we want to believe that life offers such cut-and-dried solutions to painful problems. But when infidelity raises its head, walking out probably isn't the best solution. An affair can signal distress in a marriage (or partnership) in which both parties are … [Read more...]
Taking the leap with ‘leading-first validation’
Many of us fear intimacy, for it often summons the unknown -- and the unknown can be scary. Still, intimacy is what we crave the most. We'd rather take the risk than not, in order to find that deep connection with others in which we feel that we're seen, heard and cared for. Fear of being hurt often prevents us from "being" with others the way we long to be treated. Here's a good approach … [Read more...]
What a one-night stand can tell you
Have you ever had a one-night stand? Are you thinking of having one? I don't mean an affair that occurred over weeks or months. I mean a one-night stand. One time. One night. Ever thought about why you wanted to have a fling -- or why you had one? Looking back, did it help or hurt you or your marriage or romantic partnership? Did you confess to your spouse or partner? Did that help or … [Read more...]
Vive la différence! Well, for the most part …
What are little girls made of? Sugar and spice and all things nice. Studies and life experience repeatedly show us that girls will be girls and boys will be boys -- for the most part. But what does that mean for us all when it comes to the world of relationships? I can give you a dollar a minute for each time my husband has said to me, "Yes but what’s the point of this?" or, "What’s the … [Read more...]