Empathy is the bedrock of all relational and therapeutic work. It is not simply a skill but a mode of being with another mind — what the psychoanalyst Heinz Kohut called vicarious introspection. The capacity to feel into the emotional life of another so that the self can be known, mirrored and stabilized. Without empathy, no self can develop with coherence, and no therapy can heal. Yet empathy is not only a healing force. It is also a point of exposure. To be emotionally open is to be susceptible — not merely to care, but also to … ( More )
The case for human therapists
A recent Los Angeles Times article’s headline boldly stated, “AI therapy isn’t getting better. Therapists are just failing.” A warning shot for psychotherapists, sounded loud and clear. Therapists take heed, … ( More )
To forgive or not forgive
Forgiveness. One of humanity’s oldest and most complex virtues has stirred hearts and minds across centuries. The earliest preserved story of forgiveness appears in the Hebrew Bible through Joseph, who … ( More )
Wrangling the birds and the bees
Much has changed since the days of the good-old-fashioned "talk" about the birds and the bees.Youngsters still come to The Talk knowing the basics. That hasn't changed. Yet today's children are much more savvy … ( More )
When psychotherapy ends …
Our time is up. Both parties knew that on this particular day, this moment was coming. And now having arrived, it is all about a goodbye that requires the fullness and reverence of a sacred … ( More )
A house divided, trying to stand
Matthew 12:25 states, "Every kingdom divided against itself will be laid waste, and no city or household divided against itself will stand." While this Biblical wisdom may also be said of family systems, … ( More )
Communication
The Beatles, psychologists of rock
Humming along to "Eleanor Rigby," I began listening more acutely to the astounding lyrics of this Beatles song from 1966. How profoundly insightful their … ( More )
The second wave of communication
During the Civil War, soldiers flanked tightly in a line would march toward the enemy on the battlefield. Inevitably, so many would fall down -- dead or … ( More )
The leading edge and the trailing edge
Here are some affirmations to manage the toxicity of shame. And steps toward effective communications in loving enduring relationships. 1. I remind … ( More )
Healing
Grief & loss: When we come to mourn
Grief & loss are guaranteed. We all face them as conscious, self-aware beings. No one is exempt. We come to mourn family, friends, pets, homes, aspects … ( More )
When the hero takes a fall
While post-traumatic stress disorder is experienced by many, PTSD resulting from combat has an enduring impact on veterans. This emerges in hidden, … ( More )
Relationships
The golden years … for sex
As the years go by, don’t let sexual contact and the resulting connection disappear from your relationship. They remain vital. Older couples often get … ( More )
Couples intensive therapy: risks and rewards
Couples intensive therapy is for the courageous. For those who admit they've done all they can do on their own. It’s a brave, bold step for both parties … ( More )
At the movies: the observer and the observed
Hollywood has long presented psychotherapists and analysts as villains or saintly saviors, but around the turn of the century they became central … ( More )
Children
Mothers and teen sons: Finding a way
One of the toughest aspects of parenthood is dealing with the anger, rage and withdrawal that teenage boys direct toward their mothers. These turbulent … ( More )
Coming home: the LGBTQ teen
Some of the biggest challenges parents face are with LGBTQ teens. Despite significant progress made in society regarding sexual preferences and alternative … ( More )