As the years go by, don’t let sexual contact and the resulting connection disappear from your relationship. They remain vital.
Older couples often get set in their ways. Old habits do die hard. While the first blush of love and the early years of any relationship are full of heat and passion, this intensity will pass. Slowing down is a normal progression and part of life. Yet there is no biological timetable that says sex needs to be diminished or extinguished over time. Not at all. In fact, with aging (and its disconnection with reproduction) comes a newfound freedom for many. It’s simply a myth that couples lose interest in sex as they age.
Naturally, physical ailments come to bear with time. There are multiple techniques and sex aids that help couples remain deeply physically connected. Negotiating sex in later life need not be much more difficult than in any other time. The senior years do present a slightly different set of vulnerabilities to navigate, however. These include what bodies are capable of in terms of energy and performance. Naturally evolving physical challenges occur and possibly mental health issues and degenerative conditions. Couples inevitably confront these unfolding capacities of their sexual lives.
It is not uncommon for older males to take Viagra or other performance-enhancing drugs. It is not uncommon for women to require lubricants due to vaginal discomfort as menopause creates certain dryness in genital areas. Fun and efficient sex toys can bring new energies to the proceedings. Whatever enhancements couples require in later life, preparation can be viewed through the lens of maximizing greater pleasure and reducing stress.
Despite these helpful enhancements and aids, the natural course of aging cannot be dismissed or ignored. It greets us all in time. When partners understand that sex is multifaceted, not strictly limited to intercourse, then hope authors a new chapter.
The body is deeply wired for contact and touch and sensitivity. Sex in one’s earlier days sometimes demanded the proverbial quickie as life’s demands afforded no time to be spent in the exploration or sharing of being with one another. Aging and the so-called Golden Years allow for these forms of mutual pleasure. As the offspring become young adults with separate lives, couples can now take time to reclaim some of the pleasures that only time spent uninterrupted can offer. Holding, touching, feeling require little effort to ignite erogenous zones. This may lead to intercourse or not. There are no goals, no accomplishments, no expectations other than laying the foundations of deeper connections. Taking time for expressions of love in all their artistry and complexity. It is here where the aging curve and later-years disabilities allow for the introduction of so much more.
Being open-minded and communicative about your current capacities as a human being serves well during the aging process. Marty Klein, a sex therapist from Palo Alto, Calif., maintains that by focusing on various types of touch, without pressure to have an orgasm or engage in intercourse, small changes in relationships can occur and feelings that were buried re-emerge. Often self-created pressure leads to defeat, shame, or avoidance — the feeling that someone is not living up to someone else’s expectations. Klein says these self-defeating states often are created in isolation, sometimes to shock and surprise of the other partner. When open communication exists, there is a relief from both parties that neither knew how each was suffering alone, fearful of letting down the other side.
While Life is inevitably about loss, it remains full of gains in so many ways. For many, love relationships can last a short time or as long as a lifetime. In our heart of hearts we know we live with certain fragility regarding relationships. In long-term relationships one or the other will eventually die, leaving a survivor. In a shorter-term relationship only the day can be counted on. This is important for how sex is viewed, particularly in later years.
Some seniors find themselves back in the dating game, perhaps due to late-life divorce or the passing of their partners. So often you will hear, “I will never love again. He (or she) was the love of my life.” Such sentiments ring true for so many left behind. And they make complete sense. How could the love of someone’s life ever be replaced. Yet this could be what life’s vectors seek from someone who is now alone.
The warmth of another human being’s body; the importance of touch and its calming effects. Simply lingering and connecting, which may or may not lead to sex (and then again it might). Physically connecting with someone new need not be a betrayal of what was past, but rather an acknowledgment that human contact is normal, vital and even restorative. Often those bereaved hold the belief that an allegiance to the deceased is what he or she would have wanted. The likelihood of this is slim, however. If anything the former partner probably would want the survivor to go on and live life to the fullest.
Cupid illustration: AI via Bing