My new book
Buy Dr. Katrina's book on Amazon.
Getting to know triggers from the past
It is important to remember that healing is a journey, a lifelong process. Wounds from the past can be triggered in unexpected ways.
We use the word “trigger,” meaning an event that evokes an experience from the past, summoning emotions such as shame, pain or anger. In this way the present can be distorted by the past.
For example, current doubts about your worth — or fears for your safety — could be intensified and amplified because of something that happened many years ago. Feelings that were left unexpressed or unacknowledged.
Perhaps this example will help you manage strong emotional reactions:
Mary, 26, has been in therapy for a year, where she learned about triggers. Walking home from work in the early evening, she sees someone walking a large dog.
When Mary was 8, a dog walker accidentally let go of his leash. The large dog bounded toward young Mary, jumping up at her, knocking her down and then barking at her. The man called off the dog and reassured Mary that the pooch was a big old friendly thing.
Mary, however, suffered trauma that she failed to share with her mother or stepfather when she went home. She kept the experience to herself.
This evening, as the adult Mary sensed the fear coming over her, she recognized the trigger. She told herself that while her apprehension was understandable, it also had been intensified by the old memory.
As the neighbor approached Mary, she decided to step to the side, away from the dog, signaling the owner that she was nervous. The owner picked up on the signal and smiled, reassuring Mary that Buster was friendly and all was well.
Mary then had a choice: to go over and pet Buster or keep her distance. Aware of the effect of her emotional trigger, Mary decided to pet Buster.
Tomorrow is another day and Mary could manage her emotions by making another choice in the same situation.
Know your triggers. It’s important to have an awareness that the strong emotions you’re feeling in the present may be a product of the the past.
(About healing as a lifelong journey: This is not to discourage those who prefer to view therapy as a process with a beginning and end, with healing as the result.)
What will your kids remember?
I recently guested on the terrific web video series Jen and Barb: Mom Life. The show looks at parents and kids — the trials, the tribulations and all the joy.
Jen and Barb asked me what kids are likely to remember from childhood. Hint: It’s not the material things. Here’s the episode:
It’s all about the quality of the time …
Childhood depression: signs and solutions
Sad to say that many children do suffer from depression.
While we as parents do not want to believe this is so, we must acknowledge that at times our children do suffer.
Knowing how to recognize the symptoms of childhood depression and how to deal with them as a parent makes all the difference.
The most important part for an adult is to notice — to be mindful of what is happening and to intervene as soon as possible.
Here are some of the warning signs commonly associated with childhood depression:
- A child who is usually outgoing becomes withdrawn. For example, the child wants to spend more time in his room, shows little spontaneous joy and generally has a flat or unemotional affect.
- Inability to complete project assignments or other tasks at school.
- A child who, over a period of time, displays bursts of irritability or anger that seem unusual for him.
- Anxiety, tense, clingy or panicky. A child who does not want to be left alone and frequently seeks reassurance because of anxieties.
- Difficulty concentrating, having scattered thoughts, expressing negative thoughts about themselves and the world. Feelings of hopelessness.
- Suicidal thoughts — these thoughts are not exclusive to adults.
The good news is these symptoms of depression usually are manageable and treatable.
Children are vulnerable, deeply feeling. bright and needy in a healthy sense. They need validation, emotional support, comfort, reassurance and understanding.
A parent or caregiver must give meaning to a child’s world. A parent’s listening, caring and providing space will make a child feel understood and loved.
Often depressive symptoms are manifested due to loneliness and isolation, where children feel that how they feel and what they think does not matter.
Take time every day to talk with your child, have meals with your child, play with your child. With this attention you will see many of these depressive symptoms reverse over time. Be consistent and open — children will show you what they need. A parent’s job is to pay attention.
If you continue to struggle and do not see your child’s symptoms easing, then seek professional help.
A good therapist can see many of the “blind spots” connected with childhood depression. The therapist will help you and your child get back on track.
CDs to soothe the soul
My Relaxation Reverie CD collection offers meditation, guided-imagery and relaxation audio. My new website, Cozy Children, is the place for children's audio stories.
Here are three audio samples:
Fall Reverie
Magic Forest
Toy Store