My new book
The child as adult: a question of balance
In a wonderful world we have balance.
We achieve balance with the presence of two structures.
1. The outer world: the love of our family, the value of our jobs, our responsibilities, our important relationships and our not-so-important relationships. The outward important manifestation of our daily lives.
2. The inner world, which possesses and reflects our creative lives. Also our dreams, our visions, our hopes, fears that also contain our deep longing to relate to another and share this inner world. The richness and presence of this world — and how it is related with, understood and nurtured by our caregivers — shapes, develops and molds our thoughts and feelings about others during our childhood.
It’s all about how much of — or how little of — abuse and trauma, or love, support, and nurturing we experience. Our perceptions, expectations and limits of relationships are developed and created by the lens through which our child had viewed these experiences around us.
This does not mean that early childhood trauma necessarily prevents a happy, creative life — but it can inhibit our ability to relate in healthy ways as the years go by.
A teen can be your greatest teacher
Treat your children and teens with compassion, and take what they have to say seriously. Admit and come to terms with the fact that your children feel pain and loneliness and shame more than you know.
Realize that you have been instrumental in creating their pain and loneliness — not entirely responsible, but you certainly have contributed. You have a shadow too, one that was created as a result of your repressed pain and sadness in your relationship with your parents. Truth is painful, but it can help you come to terms with who you are and how you live your life, if you let it.
You were once a child and a teenager. How often did anyone sit down and spend quality time with you?
In our own ignorance, we may fail to understand that every child and teenager is special and blessed in many different ways, just as you were. Rejoice in their uniqueness. Our children are our greatest teachers, the crucible of our existence as parents.
Once that cute, compliant, adorable youngster hits age thirteen, your life is never the same. Our teenagers explode upon us with eyes and ears that see and speak the truth; their hormones and emotions rage, unwilling to be curtailed.
Those belligerent “Leave me alone!” and “What do you know?” individuals hit you regularly at the jugular. All of your past issues of abuse and abandonment resurface with a vengeance. Are you ready for this?
Related content: “Helping Teens Cross the Great Divide” and “The Subtle Art of Manipulation.”
CDs to soothe the soul
My Relaxation Reverie CD collection offers meditation, guided-imagery and relaxation audio for both adults and children.
Here are three audio samples:
Fall Reverie
Magic Forest
Toy Store