How many times have you heard someone say, "I'll never be like my father" (or mother). Maybe someone said to you, "You know, your grandfather had a temper just like yours." How shocked you were to hear such a false accusation. You protest, "Not me," or, "I’m never going to raise my children the way I was raised. ... "I will never be impatient like my father, or say those mean things to … [Read more...]
Looking away and looking towards
In "The Emperor's New Clothes," an entire village "looked away" from their ruler, who was parading naked in the street, in order to support the illusion that he was magnificent and refined. The villagers pretended that he wore fine clothes of silk, bolstering his vanity and protecting him from shame to avoid his wrath and their potential punishment. (Miller 1952) Conditioning children to "look … [Read more...]
Changing ‘This is me’ to ‘This is us’
If being "in a relationship" is important to you, then making changes and adapting to your partner or spouse is an important developmental process. The adage "This is who I am" underscores a defensiveness that speaks more to a frozen part of who we are, unwilling to reflect on ourselves and make changes benefiting the relationship and the person we profess to love. We all come into … [Read more...]
Siblings: the bitter and the sweet
While psychology -- in particular psychoanalysis -- so frequently focuses on early childhood experiences, it's surprising to find that relatively little has been written on the subject of siblings. Lately, however, researchers have found that in many ways one's siblings have a great impact on a person -- in childhood, of course, but also on the direction of later life. How that person views … [Read more...]
Hearing the voice of the Child in the election uproar
The presidential election proved equally historic and traumatic for millions of Americans. A wide range of affect states, from outrage to joy, are being exhibited across the nation. Tempers flaring. Feelings of rage, shame, pain, helpless loss and devastation. Yet for others, the election results brought happiness; sighs of relief and resolution. This political chasm brings concerns … [Read more...]