Matthew 12:25 states, “Every kingdom divided against itself will be laid waste, and no city or household divided against itself will stand.”
While this Biblical wisdom may also be said of family systems, perhaps even more poignantly today it serves as a reminder of the stressful and disheartening state of conflict between our “houses” and “states” within the United States.
A grave tear in the fabric of our proud and valiant country underscores today’s immense strife and conflicts. Unprecedented in modern times, painful divisions exist among the American people. Opposing values, beliefs and loyalties clutch the hearts and minds of most everyone who lives within its borders.
Conversations that evoke clashing viewpoints dissolve into expressions of entrenched and impenetrable world views, leaving relatives, friends and colleagues of the righteously outraged reduced to silence for fear of worsening the state of family ties. The resulting isolated states are a sad reflection of the power of intractable minds and emotional inflexibility.
Repairing the damage done by such extreme views proves difficult if not impossible. Political persuasions seem more important than familial needs and connections.
The potent past
Many times, deeply felt political or societal positions come forged in the fires from past generational experiences — from early childhood prereflective experiences. The roots of these intense emotions rarely if ever are exposed to key family members.
Absent healthful “relational” exchanges conducted with empathy and understanding, the angry roil communities or even the world stage as the only response to their unconscious world. Wrongdoings must be righted. Key actors such as politicians, bureaucrats and celebrities are often reminiscent of cruel or absent family members, and they are targeted.
Such unconscious focus can last a lifetime, with no relief from cycling repetitive anger and pain. A certain pride ensures a voice will be heard from the depth of the past, imprinting its presence in the form of activism or righteous outrage. Many may state their egregious visceral stances are for the benefit of the downtrodden as myriad injustices and inequalities pile up.
Hidden grievances from childhood will find a way to avenge themselves after, as psychoanalyst Donald Winnicott said, being left in “cold storage.” They may visit in extreme ways, unfocused, as mystical, magical or chosen principles to “rid the world” of evildoers.
The depth of emotion often represents the severity of the unhealed wounds from the past. Spilling unresolved historical pain into the public arena lacks clarity of purpose, vital to preserving what matters most in society and relationships.
On the other hand, deep political convictions when rationally presented with logic, specifics and clarity give much pause for consideration and thought.
The trick is to distinguish between one’s ghosts of the past and the real-life pirates who operate in the present world.
Clearing away the pain — unburdening rage, grief and buried unspoken losses from the past — points the way to a measured way forward. Such balance essential for preserving valued relationships, whose essence and connectedness may be restored when widening perspectives on the landscape of what matters most become more apparent.