Some of the biggest challenges parents face are with LGBTQ teens. Despite significant progress made in society regarding sexual preferences and alternative genders, there continue to exist stigmas and judgments. Most are based on fear, ignorance and outright discrimination.
If your teen grows to become part of the LGBTQ (lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender and queer) community, you need to be ready to embrace that child with acceptance, support and love. Engage in curiosity-driven conversations while encouraging open dialogues.
Many modern parents have grown more accepting of the developmental and experimental stages teens go through. This is not always the case, however. Imagine the great fear a teen carries of being rejected and abandoned for who they are.
The sad truth is that many parents, caregivers and loved ones struggle with accepting that their teens are not the way they wanted them to be. The shattering of an illusion. These are especially challenging moments for parents whose own parents were intolerant. They must find the courage and maturity to acknowledge that their children have a truer sense of themselves that does not mirror others’ expectations — and that is completely OK.
Sometimes parents show relief when their child comes out to them. Some have been aware all along and see this as an opportunity to become closer. The coming-out experience can lead to a place of deeper connection and bonding.
Sadly, other parents flat out reject their LGBTQ teens. This can be due to feelings of personal shame or guilt etched into their psyche from prior parenting in which intolerance, fear and ignorance prevailed. For these teens the path is hard and cruel. They should seek support from like-minded trusted others in the community who will provide a safety net and a holding place for their painful feelings of rejection.
No matter the family dynamic, it’s never easy for teens to reveal that they are gay, lesbian or bisexual. They also must face communities who shun them with great cruelty and insensitivity. Teens do not have the armor of adults; they’re particularly vulnerable to criticism. A great deference must be paid to teens with the courage to stand up for their authentic sense of self at these times.
Some teens are strong and committed to affirming their identities; others may hide their true selves for fear of rejection. Concealing authenticity is always hard and stressful, leading to depression, anxiety or worse. Parents should explore with their teens the complex feelings and thoughts that evolve surrounding their sexuality, no matter where this leads.
Minimizing is not acceptable
Some parents may feel safer writing off exploratory or developmental stages as “simply a phase.” This could be true, to an extent. Teens may flirt with an alternative lifestyle but ultimately not be inclined to embrace it. Others become truly committed, for life. A parent who encourages open conversations will be a bedrock in the life of any teen who has support such as this.
Parental support will help teens come to a place of who they are and how they want to walk in their world. This is what matters most. These are your teens and they will long surpass you in this life. Make the legacy of your parenting one of affirmation and tolerance, applied with a guiding loving hand.