One thing to ponder while sharing information about catastrophes such as the Covid-19 outbreak with children: How much is too much to discuss? And how much is too little?
Children are sponges, dependent by nature on caregivers for survival as well as their overall psychological and emotional well-being. They absorb whatever is shared with them, processing it unfiltered to varying degrees, depending on age and awareness.
Children are special in the sense that they are only able to process what is age appropriate. Therefore it is always important to keep in mind who is the parent and who is the child. A caregiver must remain mindful of the child’s developmental stage.
There may be a tendency to share too much with children because of adults’ own anxieties and concerns. This is a time when caregivers’ self-regulation becomes particularly important for the sake of youngsters’ psychological and emotional stability. Children are not the protectors of their parents.
Remain calm when speaking to your children about the coronavirus. Remember you too are suffering from anxiety due to uncertainties. This is a time to go easy on yourself. And others. Be as gentle and kind as possible.
Reassure the youngsters that this is a temporary situation, one that will not last forever — even if you don’t know how long it will take. Civilization has experienced somewhat similar events before, overcome them and learned much along with way. History reminds us that “this too shall pass.” Focus on this.
Remind your children that your family has the strength and the resources to navigate uncertain times.
- Do not avoid the facts about the virus as you know them. Do not become overly negative or emotional. Keep a calm, steady voice and state, “This is what we know so far.” Using the word “we” indicates that everyone is in this together. The community, the country and the world are all working together on “fixing the problem.”
- Validate your children’s anxieties with understanding and normalizing reassurance. “I understand it’s scary — that’s completely normal — just remember we are going to get through this. I (we) are here, honey.”
- Be mindful not to overwhelm or overly share information with your child. What you share with a 3-year-old — “Honey, there is a bad virus going around and mommy and daddy are going to take good care of you until it goes away” — vs. how you speak with a 10-year-old will include different pieces and levels of information.
- Remind children that the best thing to do is to be extra careful regarding hygiene, such as washing hands regularly throughout the day. Make hand washing a game and fun to do. Remind your children that singing the “Happy Birthday” song twice equals a good hand-washing session.
- Do not inquire of your children’s fantasies about the virus and what will happen. Dark fantasies only serve to fuel their anxieties.
- Stay with your usual routines as much as possible. This includes meal times and schoolwork. If your children are at home, maintain a routine similar to the one at school. Getting up at a school hour, eating breakfast, going to their table or desk and starting their work just as they would at school.
With good communication, solid home-life structure and creative use of time, your children will feel safe, rational and aware. This experience has the potential to teach youngsters that they have the innate capabilities to handle these trying times and the others they’ll encounter on their journeys through life.
- Related article: “Taking the panic out of pandemic”
Photo by Jared Vandeventer