You’re out for a quiet dinner with a friend, only to find the person at the table next to you having a conversation on her cell phone. Is this disruptive? Probably. Annoying? Absolutely.
There is something hard to take about sitting next to someone who’s chatting away on a phone while you were hoping for a quiet intimate dinner with friends or family.
You might say, well, the caller is talking to a person, the same as we are, but one-sided cell phone conversations are uniquely distracting to others and not suited for an intimate setting such as a restaurant.
We perceive others’ cell phone calls as highly intrusive partly because they tend to speak loudly. The person on the other end of the line is not in immediate proximity, there is ambient noise, and the caller senses that speaking up is required (or doesn’t realize cell phone microphones have amplifiers).
What is equally interesting and frustrating is that the person on the cell phone often as not remains oblivious and insensitive to the intrusion, and will happily engage in a lengthy conversation while you try to protect your little patch of privacy and peace.
Of course, there are times and places for cell phones, but must it be in a restaurant?
Part of our modern culture includes taking out our cell phones, whether at the bus stop, on the train, waiting in line at a café, sitting in the park … often out of boredom. Smartphones have become adult pacifiers, used to soothe our vulnerable selves and protect us from whatever we imagine may be intruding on our personal space. Speaking on the phone or checking data in the cloud takes us out of the real world and into an electronic space — often as an unconscious form of defense or protection.
Tips to disengage
The sad part of smartphone obsession is you just might miss the chance to experience a moment of beauty — the smile of a waiter; the sound of the waterfall that cascades in the restaurant; the new painting that has just been placed on the wall; the chance to engage in deeper conversation with the loved one at the table.
Give yourself the chance to disconnect from the grip electronics may have over your mind, body and, dare it be said, soul. Take a beat. Turn it off.
If you are expecting an important call, then of course there are always exceptions in life. If you must take that call, be mindful. For the sake of a few moments of your and others’ deserved peace, intimacy and quiet time. Step away from the dining area into a private space, somewhere where you can complete your call while being considerate of others.
Sound tough to do? Consider why this might be. Do you turn to your cell phone in public places because you feel unworthy of engaging one-on-one, in person? Is your phone a form of protection?
As there usually are no rules regarding use of cell phones in social settings, display some simple human awareness. Not only of others but also of your essential importance and sensitivity. Your right to know and be known by others. A relational win-win.
When it comes to children
If you’re dining with children, be sure to engage in conversation. Have them turn off their phones (if for some reason they have them). Surround the table with talk about life, sports, music, the magic of the universe and everything else. Foster nurturing quality time.
Your children’s self worth will rise in a setting of security and implicit worth. These experiences far outweigh the short-term benefits of any game or other distraction they find inside a smartphone.