Treat your children and teens with compassion, and take what they have to say seriously. Admit and come to terms with the fact that your children feel pain and loneliness and shame more than you know.
Realize that you have been instrumental in creating their pain and loneliness — not entirely responsible, but you certainly have contributed. You have a shadow too, one that was created as a result of your repressed pain and sadness in your relationship with your parents. Truth is painful, but it can help you come to terms with who you are and how you live your life, if you let it.
You were once a child and a teenager. How often did anyone sit down and spend quality time with you?
In our own ignorance, we may fail to understand that every child and teenager is special and blessed in many different ways, just as you were. Rejoice in their uniqueness. Our children are our greatest teachers, the crucible of our existence as parents.
Once that cute, compliant, adorable youngster hits age 13, your life is never the same. Our teenagers explode upon us with eyes and ears that see and speak the truth; their hormones and emotions rage, unwilling to be curtailed.
Those belligerent “Leave me alone!” and “What do you know?” individuals hit you regularly at the jugular. All of your past issues of abuse and abandonment resurface with a vengeance. Are you ready for this?
Take Dr. Katrina Wood’s test for parents of teenagers. How will you score?
More related content: “Helping Teens Cross the Great Divide” and “The Subtle Art of Manipulation.”
Illustration by Yoshi Aka