My new book
Don’t keep your creativity bottled up
Just how well do you know the genie that lies within you?
So many of us haven’t even begun to explore the wealth of creativity inside us, that’s kept bottled up like a genie. Often it’s because we are afraid to experience shame if we fail at something new — so why try at all? This is such a harsh message we give ourselves. Be a little kinder, a little more encouraging to your inner self.
Do you think it’s always the other person who has the talent, the genius?
Try this approach.
Close your eyes and think about something you wish you could do, something that has always attracted you. Rather than obsessing about the chances of success or the failure, focus on the pleasure of the new experience. In other words, take the success-or-failure dynamic out of the equation.
It’s possible that by simply opening yourself up, you’ll discover new things about yourself. Imagine the smile on your face as you give yourself credit for taking this new risk.
If you get your toe wet, next thing you might put your whole foot in! Perhaps you’re hiding a treasure within — guarded by your genie — that would bring pleasure and joy to you and others in these challenging times.
In any case, exploration is all about the journey, not the destination.
If you love art, then take yourself to the art store, buy a set of inexpensive paints and a sketch book, and set about unleashing your creativity — without self-judgment.
If you have always wanted to dance or take a yoga class, do it. Even if you think you have no real flexibility. Who cares. Suspend judgment and perhaps you can move in ways you never thought possible.
Soon you’ll be looking forward to that hour or two you’ve set aside to spend with the genie within!
Things that go bump in your life
Monsters underneath the bed. Fear of the dark. Visits to the dentist or doctor. All pretty daunting experiences for a little one.
Validating a child’s fear, anxiety, loneliness and pain — helping them find ways to manage and cope — is a critical part of the parenting role.
When “scary” incidents from childhood go unattended by primary caregivers, these experiences become more traumatic, more terrifying than they really were. The child is at risk of growing up to be an adult who only sees experiences in life as black and white.
Without appropriate soothing, the child is simply not capable of regulating and soothing their fears. Comforting the youngster should not include minimizing these fears or telling a child they should not feel the way they do.
When a child sees that mom or dad can help them with reassurances, then the child develops a sense of both efficacy and emotional security. Life feels less scary — more manageable, creative and interesting.
For example: “Let’s look under the bed together, Jimmy, and see that there are no monsters there” (said with loving kindness). Perhaps Sarah and her mother can wave an imaginary wand and herald the words, “Monsters be gone!”
Soothing the inner child’s fears
Adults whose childhood fears were ignored or mishandled often live in a world of “always and never,” trapped into experiencing life in extremes — unable to moderate or soothe themselves in a loving way.
For example, when it comes time for the adult to have a checkup at the doctor’s and anxiety increases at the prospect — just as it did during childhood — the adult might be inclined to have extreme thoughts: “Oh, God, what if I have a terminal illness?” “What if the doctor finds something terribly wrong with me” … and so on.
Unable to calm itself, the child within has failed (through no fault of its own) to create a soothing voice capable of calming the inner turmoil. Developing a loving soothing voice within requires work and daily practice so that over time the extremes of the day to day become less anxiety provoking, more moderate.
To develop this voice, begin with a little self-soothing talk. Go easy on yourself.
Remember to tell the child within you the same things you would say to any youngster facing an upsetting or unknown situation.
Let’s say you were passed over for the promotion you really wanted and needed. Now you have a choice: Be brutally harsh, speaking to yourself with all kinds of cruel and self-destructive words. Or begin to be the loving, kind and gentle parent within that you deserve.
Offer yourself comforts such as, “It’s going to be OK, I love you and we can work through this — if you don’t get this job there are others.”
Try this approach, even if it feels awkward at first. You are worth it. The alternative, living a life of extreme thinking and feeling, can be draining and scary.
Once you start to soothe your inner child, little by little step by step, you’ll notice a big difference. Most importantly, you’ll feel better each and every day in your life.
Read Dr. Katrina Wood’s self-help book “That’s Not Love. This Is.”
CDs to soothe the soul
My Relaxation Reverie CD collection offers meditation, guided-imagery and relaxation audio for both adults and children.
Here are three audio samples:
Fall Reverie
Magic Forest
Toy Store