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Grief & loss: When we come to mourn

November 20, 2024 By Dr. Katrina Wood

Grief & loss are guaranteed. We all face them as conscious, self-aware beings. No one is exempt.

We come to mourn family, friends, pets, homes, aspects of ourselves lost through aging or illness — all of which we have loved and cherished over the years.
 
Grief remains a universal experience, visiting its pain upon all socioeconomic strata, creeds, and races. Yet no two losses in life are the same. Each brings varying depths of emotions and thoughts. Each nuanced and encased in specific memories.

Grief & loss are both sweeping and ruthless with their “take no prisoners” dynamic.

Within this truth, however, lies something tender and hopeful when ultimately viewed through the wider lens of life experience. We approach the core of our most precious human value, our vulnerable existence. This sensitive self-awareness offers a capacity to develop greater deeper compassion and love not only for ourselves (if we allow this), but for one another. Leading to more grounded and potentially deeply fulfilling lives.

Sometimes loss is a choice, a conscious decision. Sometimes it is healthful progress. For example, ending a romantic relationship that may have been positive or negative. Saying goodbye to your child, accepting that she is now an adult leaving to begin college. Knowing that her childhood is over, being happy and positive for her future, all the while hiding your pain as you wave goodbye.

Many times, though, we are broadsided. The death of a loved one can be akin to being hit by a Mack truck, or snowed under. A person left behind comes out of his certain, seemingly guaranteed world into a place of disorientation, confusion, and immense pain and fear. These embedded parts of our human condition, ultimately, we are then required to face in so many ways — daily, weekly … often. Some we are prepared for at least by the calendar; many we are not.

Grieving alone is a desperate, lonely, and unfulfilling experience, one too many suffer, often out of fear or shame. For those struggling with complicated emotions, such as the fallout from estrangement, grief has no straight lines.

Support may be hard to find: Many people are simply incapable of helping bear another’s pain. Helping those who suffer so requires a lot more than a formula such as Dr. Elisabeth Kubler-Ross’ famous paradigm on death and dying (denial, anger, etc.). Particularly when society provides support with a shelf life — and then moves along.

There is hope

Grief & loss cover a vast territory within the human psyche. We seek a grieving process that eventually leads to wellness, not despair.

While the following may sound like an oxymoron, it is not: Grief, loss, and life often come together as core companions in service to our balance and overall well-being as humans.

For those whose path of grieving is difficult there is hope.

There is no timetable that says the loss you experienced has gone past the due date. No need to explain why you would have feelings so many years later.

This is the beauty of grief and loss. Trauma has no space and time.

We go there when we are ready; we process when we are ready. We are not on anyone’s timetable other than our own.
 

Filed Under: healing, stress and trauma Tagged With: emotions, mourning & grief

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Southern California psychotherapistKatrina Wood is an author, lecturer and certified life coach focusing on psychotherapy and emotional healing. She lives in Los Angeles, where she runs the Wilshire/Valley psychotherapy center. ( More )

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This blog discusses psychotherapy issues in a general way. Readers should address pressing concerns via their personal-growth support system. Some problems covered here are best handled directly by mental health providers.

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