Hearing about the sexual abuse of a loved one delivers a powerful shock.
Everyone in the family or close circle of friends will, in his or her own way, feel vulnerable or powerless. An illusion of safety has been shattered. Loss is embedded within this experience.
Some family members will be moved to take immediate action; others may become disorientated or simply shut down. Some will be full of rage and vengeful thoughts.
Additional emotions quickly will follow, such as grief, fear, guilt and shame.
The act of sexual abuse can never be undone. The violation has occurred. But healing for victims and those close to them is possible, by degrees and over time.
It’s vital to remember that compassion, tolerance and understanding of both the victim and of one’s self are essential aspects of the healing process.
Here are some things to remember when someone close to you has been victimized:
- Most helpful in these critical moments is offering the victim a steady and receptive listener’s ear. And an open heart, one without judgment.
- There is no place for blame, shame, or questions that even hint of the victim’s culpability. To react with disbelief that such a thing has happened — or to ask too many skeptical questions upon hearing the news — could be perceived as doubting the victim. It is often harmful to ask the victim why they didn’t speak out sooner.
- Be careful not to create “double trauma” for the victim. First, there is the trauma of being sexually abused. Then, the trauma of being minimized and invalidated. Many survivors report that being invalidated is a more damaging and traumatic experience than the abuse itself.
- Remember that time and treatment — love, kindness and patience — are key to a slow and steady overall recovery. With sustained help, these feelings loosen their grip over time. Yet one must be aware of the long-term residual impact of trauma. “Triggers” from traumatic experiences can bring pain well into the future.
- Cry and grieve with others who care and understand what has happened.
- Everyone who has suffered the impact of such a violent and shattering act deserves to have his or her voice heard, with compassion and understanding — and be given as much time as necessary to recover.
- Procedure with care and caution. Slow and steady. Sexual abuse is a catastrophic loss primarily for the victim but also for the “world” the family has created. During these times, it is often best to take a beat. Process feelings with trusted individuals before exhibiting them, when possible.
Taken from Dr. Katrina Wood’s detailed article on coping with sexual abuse, found on the Wilshire/Valley Therapy Centers site.