The negative emotional impact of untreated trauma states, and healing interventions
By Katrina Wood, Ph.D
Single-episodic traumatic experiences often result in symptoms of explosive outbursts of helpless shame and rage. Untreated, the inability to process and contain the magnitude of world-shattering experiences wreaks havoc in the lives of many.
Cumulative emotional trauma states often are experienced as a result of unintentional long-term emotional misattunement in family systems. This often manifests in symptoms of shame and rage.
These experiences and emotions do not discriminate. They cross socioeconomic borders, penetrating lives in all cultures, races and religions. They haunt the projects and ghettos of our cities as well as the gated communities of our middle- and upper-class suburbs. Shame and rage are rife in society — unrecognized, misinterpreted and misunderstood (Kahn, 1963).
An emotionally unsafe hearth makes for an ill-prepared emotional future
Single-event traumas and cumulative trauma experiences can be disorienting and world shattering. Long-term traumatic states, arguably, are harder to detect or recognize. Shame and rage can result from an inability to express vulnerable emotions as subjective traumatic experiences are undergone, great or small.
The extent to which a caring relational home exists arguably is key to the outcome of trauma. A secure foundation, providing emotional understanding and psychological meaning, is vital for the emotional integration needed to cope with traumatic experiences and events.
Without this crucial “home core,” children and their adult selves remain greatly challenged over time. They potentially lack the resilience to withstand inevitable single-episodic traumas, or life-threatening events.
Discrete trauma states may worsen when experienced with a consistently insufficient family foundation — perhaps creating an emotional time bomb. A voice of shame declares the emotional exposure of the self to be unsafe and unacceptable; a voice of rage represents an attempt to break through such unbearable conflict.
In response to shame’s crippling declaration that feelings are weak, even dangerous, rage declares that feelings do matter: I am vulnerable, but I am safe only in my protective cloak of anger.
Often well-intentioned parents and caregivers, following outdated societal parenting principles, exercise limited skills and awareness by failing to encourage expressions of loss in the context of a relational home. By focusing on the “positives” — the future, and “the bright side of things” — they cause trauma states to become even more pressurized with the expectation that the suffering cease within an expected time frame.
Ironically, by dwelling on, validating and normalizing a wider range of emotions (for as long as necessary), trauma states are more likely to lessen in intensity — to become regulated and integrated naturally.
When this emotional hearth is absent, family members may become confused and bewildered by the sudden explosion of children or adult children, as they reveal historical wounds. These are defenses against unacknowledged historical pain and loss, often delivered with a biting harshness and with critical tirades. (Stolorow, 2007) (Kahn 1963) (DSM V)
Shifting the focus
Society does not sufficiently view as core values the dwelling on loss, vulnerability or expressions of pain. Yet our common human condition is built upon these shared experiences and emotions. This is precisely where we deeply need to reside collectively, in order for healing to transpire. When pain and loss are muzzled, and adaptive states are applied with mute compliance, shame and rage result. (Brandchaft 2010)
What is a trauma state?
Trauma states arguably are aspects of our affective system that become paralyzed or frozen when emotions are experienced in isolation — usually in the absence of a contextually understanding relational home. Trauma states often unveil a set of painful beliefs that hold vulnerable emotions as unacceptable — and by extension some aspects of the self. These beliefs render a paralyzing inability to address or even acknowledge the existence of unbearable suffering.
Often misunderstood, “Diamonic” rage and anger are likely emotions attempting to break the silence of such excruciating isolation, in an effort to connect. The lack of integration and regulation of such powerful emotions can cause great problems in family systems and the community, however, and may often wreak havoc on the self. When there are no cuts, bruises, or concrete evidence to substantiate painful experiences, trauma states can be difficult to detect. Symptoms not dissimilar to those of PTSD may result.
Anger outbursts, night terrors, dissociation and suicidal ideation are all symptoms of traumatic experiences that include emotional neglect. When child or adult displays symptoms of aggressiveness or becomes combative, they may target a potential scapegoat — a more vulnerable person such as a sibling, neighbor, classmate or coworker.
A child or adult who is unable to state with confidence to another, “Your behavior, your language, your tone, is scaring me,” becomes at risk for developing shame and rage. Over time, the lack of receiving language such as, “Yes, I see you, I see my behavior is causing you distress. It makes sense. I will attempt to modify my behavior for your well-being,” will likely bring forth symptoms of enduring cumulative trauma states, resulting in shame and destructive attacks to the self or to another. (Hopkins 2008) (Jacobs, 1999) (Diamond, 1996) (Widom, 1999)
Example of enduring shame-based trauma states and how it develops in the case of “emotional toughness”
A boy experiences a difficult day at school. He speaks of being pushed around on the play yard. There is distress in his face as he attempts to share his painful and frightening experience with his father. The parent, rather than acknowledging the boy’s experience with interest and concern, quickly dismisses the distress with a curt remark that “boys will be boys.” His son should not be scared but “tough it out.”
The child learns that his feelings, his experiences and his view of life do not matter. He feels shame. He burns with anger. His vulnerability has been stomped upon. He wonders if even “he” matters. Is he lovable?
The boy agrees with his father in order to retain his approval. The boy hides the cumulative shameful trauma states, which continue to develop over the years as his father imposes these principles upon him. His experienced trauma states become a gathering storm, leading to an ill-prepared future for coping with extreme single-episodic life events of loss.
At 13 years old, he discovers that marijuana will deaden his vulnerable feelings and longings. At 16 years old, the boy has experienced multiple losses due to the absence of a relational home, and has begun using heroin as a powerful way to remind himself that no feelings at all are better than experiencing pain in isolation. Minimization and “carried shame” become common adaptive tools, handed down from parent to child, to avoid the impact of overwhelming feelings of unacknowledged loss and longing.
Many families long to share pain, fears and losses with each other. Yet, perhaps from intergenerational and societal norms, they, too, have learned to withhold the deepest aspects of their authentic selves. Due to lack of support and effective treatment, they attempt to cope in dysfunctional ways. Sadly, they become divided and disengaged, existing in painful states of isolation and loneliness for decades.
A fearful yet courageous person who comes into therapy to speak “the truth” of his emotional experiences (in whatever way he attempts to communicate) requires encouragement to express more expansive states or feelings.
Often presenting at first with self-deprecating language and minimization of him or herself, such individuals respond to the keen therapeutic ear and eye. It is crucial for the therapist not to collude, but to recognize that certain behaviors are the result of various strains of traumatic experiences — and that defensive anger often presents for fear of anticipating further shame. (Bradshaw, 1988) (Brandchaft, 2010 ) (Stolorow 2007)
Hope lies ahead. In the recognition and cautious normalizing of essential vulnerability, our fundamentally shared human condition. At its core this is our greatest hope for authentic intimacy, arguably providing long-term sustainable results, reducing toxic shame and debilitating rage.
Strength and healing lie within this awareness. As greater vulnerability is revealed and therapeutically shared with contextual understanding, making way for the expanded expression of affects such as loss, pain, fear, hope and joy, long-term sustainable healing often will result.
(Photo: Alessandro Paiva)