We often think that saying “I’m sorry” is an admission of being flawed or weak.
After hurting another person, we feel bad but still resist saying those two words — usually for fear of feeling shame or humiliation. Or for fear we’re lowering ourselves.
Instead, we hear ourselves saying words like “I apologize” or “I didn’t mean to hurt or upset you” — anything but “I am sorry.”
Something in that subtle difference in wording proves essential to creating a true humbling and healing experience, one that’s authentically experienced by both parties. Saying “I’m sorry” can be liberating.
Things to remember when saying you’re sorry:
- Saying sorry takes character and courage.
- Saying sorry doesn’t mean you’re a bad or unlovable person.
- Saying sorry is a sacred act; it reinforces our fallibility and promotes intimacy.
- Saying sorry is a loving act.
- Saying sorry is powerful.
More tips about saying you’re sorry:
Be specific about how you caused harm. This is no time for hedging. Being vague avoids the hurtful event. The apology will be construed as lacking authenticity.
Own your part and be clear that you are owning your part.
Ask the injured party if there is anything else he or she would like from you.
If a mutual “sorry” is appropriate, don’t hurry your part and then say something like, “Now it’s your turn to say sorry to me.” Let the other person be accountable for his or her character and choices.
You have taken care of your part. This is a valuable, positive and healing action. Give yourself credit.
(Photo: Daniel Robertson)