The whole notion of people being too “touchy feely” is just a bad rap.
Tough-love books such as “The Blessing of a Skinned Knee” have their place … up to a point.
The truth, however, is that most of us rarely if ever truly express a true feeling. We tend to skirt around the subject.
If you ask an adult how they felt about being passed over for a job, or being dumped by a boyfriend, chances are they will respond with something like: “I felt that I was not good enough,” or “I felt like she should have tried harder.”
Sorry to be the bearer of bad tidings, but these are not feelings. They are intellectual descriptions of an emotion.
Society has created quite the taboo about the expression of genuine feelings, as if they are to be avoided as signs of being weak, shameful or immature. This is simply not true.
Only the courageous and strong are connected with their true emotions. To have the maturity and wisdom to express feelings is a blessing. This is an important part of intimacy. Our sacred vulnerability.
Our emotions are the force of our being. To mute our feelings of pain, joy, loneliness, fear, frustration, humiliation or happiness is nothing short of a prescription for depression
Depression is often the result of buried feelings and emotions that go unrevealed to a person who cares about us.
How many times as a child did you hear the words, “Oh, don’t be upset” or “Don’t cry, it will be better” — as if being upset was a bad thing? Our parents or caregivers probably meant well, but these kinds of messages were not always in our best interests.
For in telling a child not to cry or feel, we forward this message all the way into adulthood — and suddenly the grown child is unable to express normal feelings to their partners, children, friends.
Being upset or angry (using “I” statements) or expressing fear — it’s all normal. It’s human nature to want to cry when life’s injuries bring sadness. What is the worst that can happen? Tears will come and grief or pain will be released. Sounds like a good thing, doesn’t it?
Reclaiming feelings can be disorienting at first. Sometimes these emotions seem extreme, depending on how buried they might be.
Remember to remind yourself that feelings are normal. Practice with language such as, “I feel scared” or “I felt hurt” or “I am frustrated” or “I am very happy” when this or that occurred.
A word to the wise.
At first when expressing feelings, be sure to share them with someone who cares about you and how you feel. So that the childhood experience is not repeated in a painful way with someone once again telling you to “Get over it.”
Share your feelings with loving, caring others and perhaps you’ll discover the strength and wellness within.
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