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Monkey love: When hugs mean everything
Back in the 1950s, Harry Harlow of the University of Wisconsin conducted an important study of baby monkeys at his research lab in Goon Park.
The purpose of Harlow’s study was to see under which conditions did baby rhesus monkeys best thrive.
For the experiment, Harlow used wire frames to create two kinds of surrogate mothers. He presented these artificial moms to infants who had been separated from their real mothers shortly after birth.
One “monkey mom” had its bare wire frame exposed and offered a bottle of milk. The other surrogate had no milk but was covered by a terry-cloth padding to which the baby monkey could cling.
Interestingly the baby monkeys who later thrived had spent more time holding on to the terry cloth padding (simulating mother-baby cuddling) — not the babies exposed to the wire mom with the milk bottle and no padding.
What do we learn from this? The study suggests by extension that human contact such as hugging and touching is far more important than previously known.
Harlow’s research emphasized the importance of mother-child bonding. Not only does the child look to his mother for basic needs such as food, safety, and warmth, but he also needs to feel love, acceptance and affection from the caregiver.
The researcher’s findings also exposed some of the long-term psychological physical damage resulting from inadequate attentiveness to a child’s needs.
And so we must remind ourselves to hug our loved ones — seniors, friends, our children and teens (as hard as that may be sometimes). Hugs boost our immune system, bring important feelings of comfort and security, and contribute to our ability to thrive.
For some people hugging is a normal as breathing, but for others the ritual may be perceived as invasive.
Younger children need and expect regular hugs from their parents or caregivers, but as they get older, an “invitation” becomes important. This leads to an agreement to hug between two people.
The key is to inquire, before hugging, “May I give you a hug?” — especially when addressing older children or adults. With teenage boys who feel embarrassed by their mom’s wish to give hugs, perhaps dad can step in and provide some needed bear-hugs.
Don’t forget to ask for hugs from your loved ones as well. Remember, we all need them!
A woman’s place is in the home office
Women at the turn of the century had won the vote, and then in the mid-1940s World War II was over and the nation was victorious.
Slowly but surely, women began to spread their wings, enjoying newfound confidence as they entered the workplace. Possibilities for a better life were everywhere.
While the stigma of the “little woman” homemaker remained embedded in the hearts and minds of some people, many others recognized that the modern “little woman” was becoming a force to contend with in the workplace and home.
Nevertheless, nature presented a dilemma. While women were just discovering what they were capable of in society, their natural instincts also insisted they embrace the age-old role of family nurturer and caregiver — the warm provider for children. This internal conflict called for close and thoughtful consideration.
For many women there is something innately comforting about the home environment. The familiarity and comforts of home inspire a sense of security and relaxation that can lead to creativity. (Not that chaos doesn’t often abound. In the home, you can never really get away.)
Knowing where things are, the comings and goings of home, the ability to set your own schedule (taking breaks when you want, and not when the boss says so) — all of these advantages make for a more relaxed lifestyle.
Eating at your desk in your jammies, making personal calls while also attending to business — all of these extras make life less stressful. For some people, working at home can without a doubt can make for a broader and expanded way of life, easing mind and soul.
The term “close proximity” speaks to the psychological meaning of the word attachment. Children and teens usually develop what is called secure attachment. This means that not only are the caregivers physically close to their children during crucial developmental years, but they’re also available for the tending of emotional needs.
Children need care that goes beyond the basic and practical; they have deep psychological and emotional needs.
For example, Jimmy comes home from school after a rough day. He walks in and mom is there, working from home. She sees the anguish on her son’s face and leaves her home office, taking time to sit down to have a loving, caring conversation about his day.
Jimmy feels seen, heard and validated. Mom, meanwhile, achieves balance: By working from home she’s able to attend more immediately to her son’s needs. Coming home to a mom who has kind words, a warm drink and a perspective that helps soothe a wounded soul can be the difference between an unmet need — in which anger and resentment may begin to fester — and a calm, relaxed mind that comes from needs that are met and problems resolved.
Technology can be a powerful ally for work-at-home moms. The portability of the work place has become a life saver for many moms. The business world is available at the press of a key, whether you work for a corporation, freelance or run a home business.
This flexibility brings relief to otherwise stressed-out moms who typically find themselves hard-pressed to multitask.
The key to success in a home office environment is remembering to find balance. Lower your stress level by taking that walk during a scheduled lunch break. Make multitasking easier with a disciplined schedule for kids’ meals, snacks and down time.
For those who love to get out of the house now and then, up-to-date laptops are a blessing. Portable computers such as the MacBook Air are lighter and more efficient than ever before.
Working from home was an option rarely available to generations past. The ways in which this lifestyle can be created and maintained are flexible and varied — the result bringing a reduction in stress and an increase in quality time for everyone.
CDs to soothe the soul
My Relaxation Reverie CD collection offers meditation, guided-imagery and relaxation audio. My new website, Cozy Children, is the place for children's audio stories.
Here are three audio samples:
Fall Reverie
Magic Forest
Toy Store