My new book
Sorry seems to be the hardest word
We often think that saying “I’m sorry” is an admission of being flawed or weak.
After hurting another person, we feel bad but still resist saying those two words — usually for fear of feeling shame or humiliation. Or for fear we’re lowering ourselves.
Instead, we hear ourselves saying words like “I apologize” or “I didn’t mean to hurt or upset you” — anything but “I am sorry.”
Something in that subtle difference in wording proves essential to creating a true humbling and healing experience, one that’s authentically experienced by both parties. Saying “I’m sorry” can be liberating.
Things to remember when saying you’re sorry:
- Saying sorry takes character and courage.
- Saying sorry doesn’t mean you’re a bad or unlovable person.
- Saying sorry is a sacred act; it reinforces our fallibility and promotes intimacy.
- Saying sorry is a loving act.
- Saying sorry is powerful.
More tips about saying you’re sorry:
Be specific about how you caused harm. This is no time for hedging. Being vague avoids the hurtful event. The apology will be construed as lacking authenticity.
Own your part and be clear that you are owning your part.
Ask the injured party if there is anything else he or she would like from you.
If a mutual “sorry” is appropriate, don’t hurry your part and then say something like, “Now it’s your turn to say sorry to me.” Let the other person be accountable for his or her character and choices.
You have taken care of your part. This is a valuable, positive and healing action. Give yourself credit.
Vision boarding: a compass for your life
This blog post is dedicated to Dr. Alice Miller, one of history’s true heroines.
She was courageous, determined and relentless in her cause, right until God swept her into His loving arms on April 14 in Provence, France.
Alice Miller was the author of many books, the most noted of which is “The Drama of the Gifted Child: The Search for the True Self
Miller was a Swiss psychoanalyst who truly grasped the depth and breath of the impact of child abuse. And the critical importance of peeling away layers of denial in order for that voice of the child to be released, expressed and “felt” in the presence of a loving, caring other person.
Miller was a pioneer in her time and her legacy lives on.
“The Drama of the Gifted Child” is not an easy read. It often stirs up deep emotions must be absorbed at a slow steady pace. This book has been a life changer for many.
In honor of Dr. Miller, this article is a reminder for us to practice loving kindness, first to ourselves, on a daily basis. As the Dalai Lama says, “We must first make peace with ourselves, before we can make peace with another.”
Making peace within means reviving memories from your past — permitting yourself to re-experience them and to express those feelings. Painful memories … wherein lie many dormant emotions.
Our emotions are our spirits — without them we are not living a full and satisfying life. In the process of feeling these difficult and painful emotions, we will over time be awakened to aspects of who we are — that we perhaps have never experienced.
Vision board: A way to begin.
Creating a personal “vision board” can be both fun and insightful. Be prepared to begin to “feel” feelings right away, as you gather items for the board. This can be a pleasurable and meaningful experience.
Start with a large piece of posterboard, perhaps 24x 30 inches.
Then find some scissors, glue and cotton balls, tape, streamers from a party, old buttons and any other items that speak to you.
Gather some photos of people in your life who have affected you. Collect a couple of photos of yourself — one as a child and one that is current.
Finally, round up a collection of old magazines and cut out as many of the pictures that resonate with you. Notice which ones you chose. Place them on your vision board in the most meaningful sequence.
Remember, this is a vision board. This may be speaking to how you see your life in the past, present, future.
You also can cut and paste wording on the board, perhaps some sayings that speak to you. At the top write your name and the words “Vision Board.” (Or, “My Vision Board.”)
I want you to love this board, to love that you’ve taken the time to create it.
If you wish, make the experience more more fun by finding a friend or a partner. Have them create a board as well. Share feelings and thoughts as you go.
Finally, place your vision board in a room where you’ll see it each and every day — as a reminder of your journey and all the potential that lies within.
CDs to soothe the soul
My Relaxation Reverie CD collection offers meditation, guided-imagery and relaxation audio. My new website, Cozy Children, is the place for children's audio stories.
Here are three audio samples:
Fall Reverie
Magic Forest
Toy Store