Healing Psych

Dr. Katrina Wood's psychotherapy blog

  • About
  • Psychotherapy centers
  • Business consulting
  • Twitter
  • Contact

‘Shame rage’ and the Death of Love

January 16, 2009 By Dr. Katrina Wood

Statue of woman in pain

One of the more defining dynamics that can cause the Death of Love is what’s called the shame-rage cycle.

One partner shames the other by way of critical, abusive remarks and the other responds with defensive rage in an attempt to protect herself or himself from verbal or emotional assault.

Once this point-counterpoint cycle begins, one or both partners are likely to resort to some kind of violence.

Either literal violence will occur, or perhaps a material object will be smashed. One or both partners might drown their helpless rage by drinking alcohol, or using drugs, or engaging in some other form of destructive behavior.

Ultimately a marriage cannot survive this shame-rage cycle, for it is a continual form of abuse that in the end leads to the Death of Love.

Compassionately making suggestions for improvement while focusing on your partner’s strengths is a way to interrupt this potentially deadly cycle.

My previous posts on relationship dos and don’ts offers a complete synopsis of how couples need to treat one another to make their marriage or partnership both work and thrive. Please give these techniques a try.

Filed Under: relationships Tagged With: couples, divorce

New video interview

In January 2025, Rachael Lassoff of Meddkit, above, interviewed Dr. Katrina Wood for her "Provider Spotlight" series. They discussed trauma, healing and the power of communication. Listen in.

Business consulting

Dr. Katrina Wood offers business consulting services with a focus on assisting entrepreneurs with startup mental health group practices. General consulting and coaching in the workplace for optimum performance. Learn more.

About Dr. Katrina Wood

Southern California psychotherapistKatrina Wood is an author, lecturer and certified life coach focusing on psychotherapy and emotional healing. She lives in Los Angeles, where she runs the Wilshire/Valley psychotherapy center. ( More )

Search for content

Couples intensive therapy

Wilshire/Valley Therapy Center's make-or-break sessions help couples get back on the love track … or enable them to move on. Katrina Wood, Ph.D., has developed these sessions and their content. Learn about the Couples Connect sessions.

Dr. Wood’s ‘Faerie’ tale

Children’s fantasy adventure : Katrina Wood’s “The Night of the Faerie Rade” is now available at Amazon. A wonderful gift for kids ages 6-10.

Dr. Wood at LACPA

View Katrina Wood's talk on suicide prevention at the L.A. County Psychological Association convention.

Top psychotherapy videos

Help with the holidays

Inner child exercises

Marital & premarital therapy

Help for children in divorces

View the Dr. Katrina Wood channel

My mental health centers

Wilshire/Valley Therapy Center & Management Services 

> Locations in Southern California
> Our therapeutic specialties

Topics: Mental health

About depression
Therapy: Getting help
Panic attacks
Co-parenting
Anxiety and GAD
Sexual abuse
Stress and trauma

Topics, categorized

Disclaimer

This blog discusses psychotherapy issues in a general way. Readers should address pressing concerns via their personal-growth support system. Some problems covered here are best handled directly by mental health providers.

Copyright © 2025 Dr. Katrina Wood · All rights reserved · Web direction: Internet Forestry · Privacy · Contact