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Booze, drugs, cheating hush your inner child
Today, the traditional destructive way of repressing vital emotions continues to be concealed by those old numbing tricks of popping a pill, having a drink, going on the internet to find some pornography. Staying late at work, having an affair.
Sooner or later the pill or a drink or the drugs or the Internet will only fill so much of a temporary void until another drink or hit is needed … and then another. It’s a harsh and cruel way of silencing the heartfelt sentiments of people’s inner child — yet one that has become more socially acceptable than outward expression of pain.
Most people are aware of an intuitive feeling that speaks to them from deep within their souls. As time goes by, however, it isn’t easy or familiar for the child to express feelings. In these times, for the inner child, it sometimes seems much safer not to feel.
Many people ignore the relevance of the world of their inner child, perhaps because it is just too upsetting or scary to pierce the veil of outer reality. With 50 million American families living with the disease of alcoholism, it’s time we took the impact of the lack of expression of emotions seriously.
The sad and tragic effect is that we move through our busy distracted day, occupied with work, kids, school, projects and addictions. This valuable piece of ourselves gets lost, locked away, trapped, unattended. The fact is, the soul is like a beautiful abundant garden that can easily go to weed if left uncared for.
We need to wake up and realize that these neglected inner parts of our lives are in potentially grave danger.
‘Shame rage’ and the Death of Love
One of the more defining dynamics that can cause the Death of Love is what’s called the shame-rage cycle.
One partner shames the other by way of critical, abusive remarks and the other responds with defensive rage in an attempt to protect themselves from verbal or emotional assault.
Once this point-counterpoint cycle begins, one or both partners are likely to resort to some kind of violence.
Either literal violence will occur, or perhaps a material object will be smashed. One or both partners might drown their helpless rage by drinking alcohol, or using drugs, or engaging in some other form of destructive behavior.
Ultimately a marriage cannot survive this shame-rage cycle, for it is a continual form of abuse that in the end leads to the Death of Love.
Compassionately making suggestions for improval while focusing on your partner’s strengths is a way to interrupt this potentially deadly cycle.
My previous posts on relationship dos and don’ts offers a complete synopsis of how couples need to treat one another to make their marriage or partnership both work and thrive. Please give these techniques a try.
Abuse is not normal — it’s wacky!
Do you think you have been abused in your life? No? Well, read on.
Most of us have developed a high tolerance for what I call wacky abuse. We’re becoming accustomed these days to using the word “abuse,” although for many it is still an uncomfortable term.
Many of us believe abuse is a normal part of child rearing. In fact, let’s consider that term, child rearing. Some parents view their children as if they were animals that need herding, such as sheep or cows. Their attitudes are more in keeping with the weary adage that children should be seen and not heard, always kept in line.
Some parents believe that children should obey their parents without nurturing or encouraging them to develop their own thoughts and feelings about life. These attitudes are outdated and abusive.
We continue to have a limited understanding not only of what abuse is, but also its far-reaching aspects. Pia Melody, noted lecturer and addiction specialist at the Meadows Treatment Center in Arizona, states that abuse is anything less than nurturance.
Whether or not you agree with this statement, it can be used as a touchstone for how we treat others and ourselves.
CDs to soothe the soul
My Relaxation Reverie CD collection offers meditation, guided-imagery and relaxation audio. My new website, Cozy Children, is the place for children's audio stories.
Here are three audio samples:
Fall Reverie
Magic Forest
Toy Store