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‘Sometimes’ a great notion
How often we say the words “always” and “never” when we speak about events or experiences with people in our lives. Quite a lot, right?
How many times have you heard someone blurt out, “I will never speak to (this or that person) again,” or, “I’ll never go to (this or that) restaurant again.”
Or, “I always go here every year for a vacation,” or, “I always get my coffee every morning at this cafe. That’s my regular haunt.”
In lives filled with uncertainties, it’s understandable that we cling to our “always” and “never” statements. We are unconsciously seeking guarantees — some security in an unpredictable world. A sense of control over our lives.
But what might it feel like to step out of the “always and never” language just a little, by introducing the word “sometimes.”
Living our daily lives with the word “sometimes” in our emotional vocabulary lets us relax our need for certainty. It takes the pressure off us more than we realize.
In the world of “always” and “never” we’re prone to feeling let down. Experiencing a sense of loss when the outside world fails to measure up. Sometimes, our need for “always” leads to pain and depression.
Incorporating new language into our lives often requires risk, especially if you are one of the “always” and never-inclined people. This requires facing the reality that life is fallible, life is uncertain. There is, however, an upside to this.
Good and wonderful things can and do happen. Life is not always bad; not always good — sometimes it’s a bit of both.
An example of challenging the “always” position was beautifully expressed to me by a friend who told me a few years ago that she “never” went out for New Year’s Eve as she preferred to watch the celebrations from the comfort of home.
One particular New Year’s Eve she, reluctantly, was persuaded by her daughter to join her in watching the ball drop in Times Square. Her daughter’s boyfriend came along and unexpectedly brought his father. When my friend and the dad met, a whole new and different type of celebration began — the start of what would later become wedding bells.
Needless to say, my friend’s philosophy of “never” going out on New Year’s Eve became the catalyst for changing her view of the “always” and “never” in life.
Taking the need for perceived certainty out of our lives offers us the chance to live with more spontaneity, flexibility and creativity. To live a life with greater curiosity. A life infused with the desire to discover more, in which the acquisition of knowledge has no finite end and experiences lead to other experiences.
Of course there are things in life of which we must be certain. Clocks, for example. But there are times when living in the world of “sometimes” brings relief, rewards and a greater sense of happiness — in the most delightful and unexpected ways.
When the Artist becomes a healer
Creativity lies within all of us.
When we’re sad, depressed or anxious, the “Artist” that is part of who we are can come to our assistance. Sometimes in the smallest ways; sometimes in a grand fashion.
However the Artist enters your life, try to heed the call and work with that energy.
In 1889, the great Dutch painter Van Gogh found himself in a mental asylum and suffered greatly with the pain of this experience. From the Saint-Paul Asylum, Van Gogh wrote many letters to his brother Theo. That was a way for the painter to express his feelings, frustrations and confusion.
Van Gogh also wrote Theo about how painting helped him calm his psyche. He said he had drawn over one hundred cabbages in pencil on paper, and was “now feeling much calmer.”
Every one of us has the gift of artistry in myriad ways. Perhaps it’s painting or drawing or cooking. Making jewelry or clothes; building furniture or arranging flowers.
Perhaps that creativity surfaces in ways that may not even be recognized as an art form. Much of what we do in our daily lives is more artistic than we ever realize.
On that note, I would like to personally take a moment to let the readers into the art form that i have engaged in since a child: writing music.
Over the decades, as my love of psychology grew, I worked on translating some of life’s challenges into a modern adaptation of Charles Dickens’ “A Christmas Carol.”
My version is called “Bob Cratchit and Mr. Tightwad.” The musical ran throughout the 2011 holiday season at Secret Rose Theatre in the Noho Arts District of Los Angeles. The cast and audiences were wonderful, with many performances sold out in advance.
I’m like to share a couple of the video clips and songs that are part of the show:
CDs to soothe the soul
My Relaxation Reverie CD collection offers meditation, guided-imagery and relaxation audio. My new website, Cozy Children, is the place for children's audio stories.
Here are three audio samples:
Fall Reverie
Magic Forest
Toy Store